When Things Get Hairy August 7, 2010

On my last post, I asked you, dear Cyster readers, what topics you would like to talk more about, particularly outside of the realm of fertility/parenthood and weight loss.  The response was mainly around self esteem, depression, sexuality, femininity and of course that old chestnut for women with PCOS, hirsuitism.

So let’s talk about that one first shall we?  It’s one I’m qualified to post about, because I deal with it, and have put a whole lot of years time, energy and thought into it.  Boy, have I done that!

Now before we go any further, I’m going to try to avoid the use of the term hirsuitism.  I know it’s the medical term for “excess hair”, but to me it implies that there is some line that is ruled in the sand that says “This much hair is ok, but any more than that is excess, and excess = bad.”  Hair is hair.  Some people have lots of it.  Some people have a little bit of it.  Some people have none.  What the definition of “too much” is for hairiness is completely and utterly up to you as an individual, and not some medical definition or whatever the beauty industry tells you should be considered too much.  You can be completely covered in hair, and not feel that it is “excess”.  Or you can only have a wee bit and feel that it’s too much.  So let’s not use hirsuitism huh?

Another thing I want to establish is that hair is not dirty or shameful, and having more hair is not “letting yourself go”.  It’s just hair.  Keratin that grows out of follicles, no more shameful or dirty for growing out of your armpits or pubic area or face or legs or arms or anywhere else on your body than it is for growing out of your head.  It’s hair.  It’s not like you’ve smeared poo all over your face and body.  It’s HAIR.

Advertising and media tell us that there is a line as to how much hair is normal.  Which I’ve seen shrink to less and less in my lifetime – these days women are expected to be completely hairless except for their heads, which can only have fine eyebrows and yet must have long, thick eyelashes.  One of the reasons I love retro nude photography is because women didn’t remove every trace of hair back then.  OMG PUBES!!  And that only goes as far back as the 80′s!  Yes, in the 80′s it was still acceptable for women to have pubic hair.

There are advertising campaigns bombarding us with every method of hair removal.  My particular most loathed are those ones on the radio for Brazilian laser treatments that refer to removing hair from your “cha-cha”.  I thought a cha-cha was a kind of Latin American dance style.  Well, that ties the Brazilian theme into it I guess, doesn’t it?  We’re told that having ANY hair on our bodies is unfeminine.  Skeevy names are given to areas of hair on the body, like “welcome mat” and “snail trail” and the like to imply that women with any body hair are somehow slutty or trashy.

What it all boils down to is that it’s a whole industry that makes an astonishing amount of money out of shaming women into feeling that their natural bodies are somehow less than perfect, and selling us a ridiculous fairytale of lies about how being hairless will affect our lives.  If you believe media and marketing on the subject of body hair, you’d believe that being hairless not only makes you hot and sexy and feminine, but it gets you the perfect husband, makes you successful in your career and ensures that you’ll have a legion of perfect little children who randomly bring you flowers just because “We love you Mommy.”  I think they expect you to believe that your being hairless makes your plastic jewellery turn into diamonds, your pets no longer smell and double rainbows to appear on your birthday.

Ok, I’m getting silly now, aren’t I?

But is it any sillier than being expected to believe that we’re somehow worth less because we have more hair?

That’s not to say you have to leave it there.  There is no reason why you can’t remove any body hair (or head hair for that matter) that you may have in whatever method you see fit or that works best for you.  But only if YOU want to.  Not because some advertisement tells you it’s shameful or dirty or unfeminine.  Personally, I love the feel of having smooth, hairless skin.  I don’t give a shit anymore what other people think of how much hair I do or do not have, but I do like to remove some body hair for my own personal preference.

I do remember when I did give a shit though.  I remember how embarrassed and ashamed I felt.  I remember feeling unfeminine.  I remember worrying about whether or not other people judged me by my body hair.  They don’t by the way.  Well, a few douchebags might, but do I give a shit about those kind of people?  NO WAY!  The people that matter, that are worth knowing and caring about, won’t even take a minute’s notice, and if by off chance they do, they could care less than you do.

You want to feel more feminine?  Then embrace your femininity rather than hating on something arbitrary like hair.  You’re under no obligation to BE feminine (and I should also add that levels of femininity are as arbitrarily judged as levels of hairiness and fatness and everything else that is given labels and standards) but if you want to do the things that our society deems as feminine traits, do them.  Don’t let your body and what it does or what it has or what it’s shaped like stop you.   What makes you feel feminine might be different to the next person, but that’s up to you.  For me, I grow my hair long (and colour it hot pink!), wear makeup, wear clothes that are considered feminine, that sort of thing.  That’s my personal way of feeling feminine.  It is totally arbitrary, but if it makes you feel that way, then go for it.

Don’t feel you have to perform to that “femininity” measure either.  If you want to leave your body hair grow to it’s natural state, then that’s ok too.  It doesn’t make you any less a woman.

Worried that a bloke might not find you sexy you if you have body hair?  Honey, if he really wants to get some of what you’ve got to give, he’s not going to give a flying fuck about body hair.  And if he does, well he’s not getting any of the good stuff from you then, is he?  Any man that shames you for who you are does not deserve to get anywhere near you.

Do you know the biggest lie?  The biggest lie, the dirty secret nobody talks about… women without PCOS have body hair too!  Yep, by far the majority of adult females have body hair.  Of course they all pluck and wax and zap and shave as much as anyone else.  Sure, statistically ours may grow a heavier, or darker, or thicker, but please, PLEASE don’t assume that means that non-Cysters are these hairless, so-called “normal” types that we are excluded from.  Uh-uh… women without PCOS are being pressured as much as we are to remove any trace of hair from their bodies too.  Sometimes, women are really hairy without having PCOS!  Yup, there are a bunch of other factors too.  Like location and genetics and race.  It’s not just about us, though we are pressured in a whole different way because ours is attached to our reproductive systems.

What it all boils down to for me is that we can spend our lives hating on our bodies because they do or don’t do something that our current culture and media/marketing tells us it should or shouldn’t do, or we can just make up our own mind how we wish to deal with what our body does and doesn’t do, and devote all that energy to things far more worthy of our attention.

I know which I’ve decided to choose.