It’s tough being a Cyster March 27, 2010

It’s tough finding out you just lost a baby when you thought it was “just another period”  The emotional impact is hard…  but I think it’s even harder on our partners.

Having had 6 miscarriages in the same manner, it’s a little shattering when I *do* get a period.  That little voice in the back of your mind wonders…  is it a period…  or another miscarriage?

Fortunately, my last miscarriage was in 2005, but 5 years later, I still jump when I see blood.  I find myself mentally checking back all the symptoms I *may* have missed.

Even if I find out I’m pregnant (fingers crossed for the blood work two weeks from now) my husband doesn’t feel he will get excited until he sees that “little dot on the screen.”  Each miscarriage, even though he kept up a tough exterior and puzzled along with me why we couldn’t carry full term let alone possibly past the first month (keep in mind, since I have PCOS and get erratic periods, it’s hard to pinpoint the date let alone month of conception) I think that because he loves kids so much and wants a family also, it hurt him I think as much if not more than it hurt me.  We wondered which one of us was the “defective” gene.

All these hurts and now I fear that when I *do* become pregnant…  we will likely be too scared to be excited.  I’ll be bouncing off the walls happy and excited…  but he will likely be the “stay grounded, don’t get too excited until it’s in the safe and clear zone” one.

I sure hope I’m wrong.

My Journey to the Centre of the Earth March 24, 2010

It’s been a heck of a ride and thus my introduction here.

I guess it could be summed up like the Visa “Priceless” commercial

6 Miscarriages
8 Doctors
100+ Ultrasounds
1,000,000 Tears shed
2,000,000 Questions asked

1 Diagnosis of PCOS:  PRICELESS.

I’ve had erratic periods since I entered womanhood at the age of 14.  My first period lasted a month.  That was it for awhile and I put it down to my hormones settling into place.  Sadly that was not the case.  I would skip a few months between periods and each period I had made up for each one “missed.”  It made for some very embarrassing moments in school, which I was an outcast anyway because I was the new girl in this small town.

I got used to it, although didn’t like it, and in the summer of 1999 at the age of 22 I had my first (and fortunately last) ovarian cyst rupture.   I didn’t even know what it was I thought my appendix was rupturing.  I passed out from the pain and was taken to the hospital by ambulance.

Fortunately for me an ob-gyn was there wrapping up a delivery so looked at the ultrasound and said that I had 4 cysts rupture all at once.  He “unofficially” diagnosed me with PCOS and prescribed prometrium.  I took my first one a few weeks later while getting ready for bed.  Five minutes later I was on the floor unable to move.  Another trip to the ER and it was suggested that I stop taking it (they didn’t have to tell me that) right away.

That ended THAT and I continued to live with the erratic periods that were becoming even more erratic with me typically only getting a cycle twice a year.

I did try going on birth control to get a period every month, but I was so absentminded that I kept forgetting to take it.  So said screw it.

Fast forward to 2005.  I was rushed to the hospital with labour like pains and weak knees.  They gave me a pain shot but didn’t say anything about pregnancy.  I didn’t know what the heck it was.  I had to see my regular doctor and they reviewed the bloodwork and confirmed that I was pregnant and likely lost the baby.  I was speechless.  I had been told repeatedly that the chance of me being a biological mother was very slim (likely due to my erratic periods) and my boyfriend (now my husband) was told he had a better chance at winning the national lottery than getting a woman pregnant.  At least that was the case with his ex-wife (Divine Intervention??)  I phoned him at work and informed him of what happened.  He took over from there taking me to all the ultrasound appointments because my HCG levels were still elevated and since nothing was being seen in the ultrasound they were concerned about a possible tubal pregnancy even though my body aborted one.  Repeated blood tests finally showed the levels going down and I was on my “merry way.”  I was upset because I didn’t even know I was pregnant.  My Mother wondered…  but never said anything.  I apparently went to the bathroom more frequently but I didn’t even notice this.

5 more miscarriages between October and March the following year and two specialists later and they finally learned that I had a full length uterine septum that was preventing the fetus to attach to anything and would die.  A surgery was booked and performed.

Since then I have had zero pregnancies.  We tried for a year, but it was always hit and miss with the periods.  I was seriously wondering how in the world I was able to get pregnant 6 times before and then suddenly ZIP.

We went in October 2009 back to the specialist that diagnosed the septum and he ordered blood tests.  He saw my hirsuteness (on my face in the form of “side burns”) that I usually had waxed off and he started looking for the presence of PCOS.  It came back just screaming PCOS.  (How was I able to get pregnant before then??) and put me on Metformin.  The original idea was to work my way up to 3 a day.  No matter how I tried I couldn’t tolerate 3 so he dropped me down to 2 a day and I’m now functional again (my house is happy for it too) and pain free.

As I write, I have not had a period since January.  I was regular for maybe 3 months and that was it.

The current plan now is for me to get blood work and if it comes back negative for HCG, to start my first round of Clomid.

I hope to have good news soon.

Unlike many women who have the “obesity” from their PCOS, I seem to be one of the exceptions of the rule.  I did battle a thyroid issue several years ago in where my thyroid levels were extremely high.  I took eltroxin for awhile but it seemed to work itself out.  I did quit smoking in June of 2007 and gained 30 pounds putting me up to 160 pounds on a 5’6″ tall medium frame.  Weight, while I try to watch it for health reasons (heart issues and diabetes run rampant in my “more to love” family) matters little to my husband and I.

A little about me now that you know what’s going on “down south”….

I hail from a small Lake Huron Coastal town and listen to just about anything but rap.  I have 2 kitties that were part of the picture when I married my husband, my dream some day is to own a dog again.  I enjoy writing small stories (although haven’t worked on one in years), watching the birds that visit my feeders, taking pictures and spending time online.  I’m hard of hearing and wear two hearing aids (which makes for interesting conversations sometimes when I mishear something) and spend most of my “social time” online.  (That whole new girl in town experience in school made me become a hermit of sorts….)

I love hummingbirds (as you can tell in my username) and await their arrival every year.

Thanks for reading my experience and I hope it has helped even just one person out there who may be going through a similar experience.

Jenn